So well done! I’ve always disliked when people say you need to break up dialogue or you can’t just tell a story in this manner, but it’s all there. I can even see him lean forward in his seat at the end. I can imagine the room where they’re talking, because what it looks like doesn’t matter. Great example of paring down and letting the words work.
The most disturbing element for me wasn’t the creature itself, but the idea of perception being invaded. The tentacles moving through the firefighters instead of attacking them shifts the horror from physical threat to psychological contamination.
Visually, that’s such a compelling concept — smoke as a membrane between realities rather than just atmosphere.
That final line makes it feel like the entity never left.
Love the use of dialogue alone to tell a story. Nice job, John!
Thank you.
This was absolutely fantastic. I felt so immersed in the visuals, which I think is tricky to do with dialogue. Really awesome work.
That’s a relief. Thank you.
Fantastic writing loved it
Thank you
how creative
Thank you
So well done! I’ve always disliked when people say you need to break up dialogue or you can’t just tell a story in this manner, but it’s all there. I can even see him lean forward in his seat at the end. I can imagine the room where they’re talking, because what it looks like doesn’t matter. Great example of paring down and letting the words work.
Thank you. It was a fun little exercise.
This is brilliant🖤Love this John
Thank you
Damn, this was great. Hell of an intro to your work, sir. I look forward to more.
Thank you
Superb stuff. Wonderfully told just through dialogue. The imagery created is fantastic and it's one of those that really pulls you into it.
Thank you
John, you did such a great job with this one. It's SO difficult to do a dialogue-only story, and you pulled it off beautifully.
Thank you!!
Really excellent. Was hooked right away!
Thank you
Awesome job with the dialogue. Crazy how I could see the memories in my head through that alone. Got a chill with the languages line 🐙
The most disturbing element for me wasn’t the creature itself, but the idea of perception being invaded. The tentacles moving through the firefighters instead of attacking them shifts the horror from physical threat to psychological contamination.
Visually, that’s such a compelling concept — smoke as a membrane between realities rather than just atmosphere.
That final line makes it feel like the entity never left.
This is great. Awesome use of the creepy pic. The smoke ghost tentacles are so cool.
Smoke octopus that gives you visions? Sounds very lovecraftian. Very cool!