58 Comments
User's avatar
Pelle Martens's avatar

That slow shift from cozy diner to full cosmic dread was well paced. The pie almost made me forget I was reading horror. Almost 😅

Elijah Westin's avatar

This is why we don't like driving in the fog..

Reisson Poh's avatar

That escalated soo quickly. Chills down my spine.

Aaliya's avatar

This narrative is chilling and keeps you on the edge of your seat. The diner scene is particularly haunting, and the twist at the end is unexpected and thrilling. Great job!👏

Michael Olson's avatar

I have seen way too many horror movies to accept your set up. But wait. You diverted expectations. Thank you. Diners always creep me out. I even wrote about one. You almost went where I went. So I thank you again for really doing something I did not expect or thought of.

Tim Wojan's avatar

Nice and creepy, I really liked it!

Gary Mucklow's avatar

I really felt that sense of relief when Jonas first saw the diner sign through the fog. We have all had that feeling of being lost and finding a bright spot on the road. The way you turned that comfort into something scary with the breathing mountain was a great touch. It made for a very creepy Saturday read.

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Oh, and love the GIF. Makes it stand out.

Shauna C. Highcroft 🌊's avatar

Love me some cosmic horror! This was a blast!

A.M. Blackmere | Author's avatar

As someone who loves to create horror out of the land-- the imagery of the mountain "breathing" tickled my fancy.

John Watson - Horror Author's avatar

I’ve had this story in my head for ages, although it was initially a troll on the Trollstigen road.

Kimberly B🌴👻🌴's avatar

This might be my favorite yet! The sudden shift from cozy to cosmic horror was jarring in the very best way. You know you're in trouble when the crowd starts hailing 🖤.

Andrea 🌄's avatar

Awesome twist! The pacing is great and left me wanting more!

Ashes Of Love Poetry 🔥's avatar

Oooh this is very eerie. You definitely get the cold creeping dread feelings. The slow reveal worked so well, from mundane worries to terror. The unsettling details were so subtle yet they also stood out.

The In Between's avatar

It’s never good when they want to fatten you up.

John Watson - Horror Author's avatar

This is why I am dieting

Kovács Attila's avatar

That's a good flash fiction. I enjoyed it, thanks.

Charlie Walls's avatar

Very cool story!

John M. Price's avatar

Check please.