63 Comments
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Pelle Martens's avatar

That slow shift from cozy diner to full cosmic dread was well paced. The pie almost made me forget I was reading horror. Almost 😅

Elijah Westin's avatar

This is why we don't like driving in the fog..

Michael Olson's avatar

I have seen way too many horror movies to accept your set up. But wait. You diverted expectations. Thank you. Diners always creep me out. I even wrote about one. You almost went where I went. So I thank you again for really doing something I did not expect or thought of.

Reisson Poh's avatar

That escalated soo quickly. Chills down my spine.

Tim Wojan's avatar

Nice and creepy, I really liked it!

Gary Mucklow's avatar

I really felt that sense of relief when Jonas first saw the diner sign through the fog. We have all had that feeling of being lost and finding a bright spot on the road. The way you turned that comfort into something scary with the breathing mountain was a great touch. It made for a very creepy Saturday read.

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Oh, and love the GIF. Makes it stand out.

Elle Chambers's avatar

That GIF is a fantastic touch. It made me feel like I was on that road headed up to the diner.

Shauna C. Highcroft 🌊's avatar

Love me some cosmic horror! This was a blast!

A.M. Blackmere | Author's avatar

As someone who loves to create horror out of the land-- the imagery of the mountain "breathing" tickled my fancy.

John Watson - Horror Author's avatar

I’ve had this story in my head for ages, although it was initially a troll on the Trollstigen road.

Kimberly B🌴👻🌴's avatar

This might be my favorite yet! The sudden shift from cozy to cosmic horror was jarring in the very best way. You know you're in trouble when the crowd starts hailing 🖤.

Andy Curran 🌄's avatar

Awesome twist! The pacing is great and left me wanting more!

S.W. Strackbein's avatar

I love Lovecraftian horror, and that hard swing from peaceful nostalgia to something is terribly, irrevocably, cosmically wrong lands perfectly. Great stuff.

Romance at a Dark Wood's Edge's avatar

I'm going on a road trip tomorrow, and I can tell you right now, we're not stopping at any diners!

Angela Hundal's avatar

Loved this! I was in the diner. Loving your Substack's style as well. Super cool!

Tam Crowe's avatar

I’m a sucker for stories that start this grounded and then open up into something larger and wrong. That ending lands.

Ashes Of Love Poetry 🔥's avatar

Oooh this is very eerie. You definitely get the cold creeping dread feelings. The slow reveal worked so well, from mundane worries to terror. The unsettling details were so subtle yet they also stood out.

Kovács Attila's avatar

That's a good flash fiction. I enjoyed it, thanks.