So, you’ve been writing for a while and have now decided that you want to dip your toe into horror. The spooky season is upon us, so it makes sense that you might want to take a trip to the dark side. I have been writing horror for about 45 years, so my heart is currently as black as pitch, but I did need some tools of the trade to help me become a soulless writing machine willing to kill off any character that comes to mind. I am willing to share these tools with you guys today, so let’s see what items drag me into the mouth of madness.
Every Writer Needs Fuel
Ads on TV suggest that the world runs on Dunkin, and while that is very much my coffee beverage of choice, there are better options for horror writers. Bones Coffee Company makes all kinds of cool horror themed caffeine jolts to get you going. Since I am dead inside, I am okay with decaf, but there are plenty of stronger options for those of you still waiting to become fully possessed.
You have coffee now, but you are also going to need some sort of vessel to house your beverage of darkness. Might I suggest a thermal mug that will keep your brew hotter than the bowels of Hell for an eternity. Since you are going to be killing of characters on a regular basis, you might as well go with your favorite supernatural killer. I am all about the Michael Myers Thermal Mug.
Tools of the Trade
Yes, you probably have a perfectly good laptop to write on, but are you going to be able to carry that with you everywhere you go? What if someone at work really annoys you and you think of a great way to kill them off in a story, under an assumed name, of course. Might I suggest a horror themed journal as part of your writer’s toolkit? I actually own a pair of these and can confirm that they are great.
Now, you can go out and buy a set of generic Bic ballpoint pens and get 1,000 of them for like 6 bucks, but do you think Poe or Lovecraft went that route? Absolutely not. They will have had a glorious fountain pen for their work, and maybe even some blood red ink to boot. You cannot simply sign your soul over to the Devil with a Bic.
Build Your Horror Crypt
If you are going the horror route, it is not cool to have the most basic desk imaginable. When people peer into your office, they need to be made aware that pissing you off might lead to them being cut down in your next story. Now, writing sprints are fun, but ditch the timer on your phone and go with something a little more rock ‘n’ roll, such as a Skull Sand Timer. Make it seem like death awaits if you don’t hit your writing goals for the day.
For most people, writing requires some level of quiet, but I can almost guarantee that there will be at least one person in your home who will not respect your boundaries. The best way to tune out these creativity soul suckers is with some Skullcandy Noise Cancelling Headphones. These are my brand of choice and have been for quite some time.
Summon Your Next Idea
While I don’t necessarily believe in the concept of writer’s block, there are plenty of you who do, so who am I to judge. If you are stuck and need some inspiration, then a set of writer’s dice might just provide you with a prompt that will help you come unstuck. I usually just step outside for 5 minutes and end up bombarded with ideas, but these dice are a perfect rainy day option.
Ideas tend to come at a time when you are totally unprepared to jot them down. For me, it is usually in the shower when I am lathered up and blinded by soap suds (you have to scrub off those imagined blood stains). What do you do if you get an amazing idea in the shower? You use your Waterproof Shower Notepad is what you do. I have one of these in my shopping cart as we speak.
Strange Things You Didn’t Know You Needed
If you are intent on inflicting all kinds of pain on your characters, it helps to know how and where to hurt them. Snapping bones is an effective way to do damage, but which bones goes where? Never be stuck again with this Anatomical Skeleton Model on your desk. It’s a whole lot cheaper and less creepy than asking your doctor.
Finally, if you really want to set the mood and make it feel as though your office is your writing crypt, I have the perfect thing. How about a mini fogger for your desk to make it feel as though your are writing in Victorian London, with Jack the Ripper hot on your heels. If that doesn’t prompt you to write, I’m not sure what will.
Not one of these items will automatically turn you into the next Stephen King, but they will make you feel as though you are part of the horror writing fraternity.