When my first book was published, I knew I had to get serious about marketing my work. With that in mind, I started a separate author page across all socials and went to work as a confident (not arrogant) writer who knew exactly what he was doing. It was essentially the polar opposite of who and what I am in real life, but it was easy to pull off given that I was still essentially hidden behind a computer screen.
As time passed, it became more and more difficult to appear confident in any way, which was when I started highlighting the work of others more than my own. That was more in tune with my natural state of being, and thus it made me more comfortable in an online setting. It is the true version of myself that won out, and which you now all see here on Substack.
With that in mind, let’s talk about the words and phrases that I find uncomfortable, but probably shouldn’t. Here goes:
International Bestselling Author - After my debut novel, Karaoke Night, did well, my publisher started putting that on all my books. KN went to #72 in horror on Amazon in the US, while hitting #6 in the UK. Technically, I was a bestseller, but the whole label never sat well with me. I see bestsellers as authors who sell tens of thousands of copies, not those who have a couple of good hours after the initial release. Moving forward, that title will not appear on any of my rebranded or new books, although I suppose I should be somewhat proud of what I accomplished.
Fans - This one makes me bristle with discomfort because of the way I see that word. It all began on Facebook with the whole “Top Fans” thing, and I instantly disliked it. When I shared the top folks, I retagged it as Top Friends, as I see that as more appropriate. I am definitely a fan of a lot of authors, as I see them as better than me in so many ways. I don’t think of myself as better than anyone, so having fans seems somehow weird to me. I would definitely much prefer supporter, as that is how I see the people who read and share my work. If you want to use “fan” it’s fine by me, honestly, as I know this is very much a me thing where I am uncomfortable with any kind of praise.
That means a lot coming from you - Again, this falls into the same category as fans does. In the grand scheme of things, I have not accomplished much at all in writing world, and I am certainly not anywhere near the best writers in the genre. This is not to suggest that I believe myself to be a total hack (some might disagree), as I know I can string some words together in a meaningful way, but I am not any better than other writers on this platform. In truth, I look at my stats compared to other writers I admire and am ashamed that I am so far ahead of them in terms of numbers.
Master of - I see this quite often and I definitely appreciate it, but it also makes me uncomfortable. There are a few true masters of the craft out there, and I am not one of them. Maybe in the small sample size that is Substack horror, I am quite good at certain things, but I am definitely no master.
All of this may sound like I am not thankful for all the kind things written and said about me on this platform, as that is absolutely not the case. I am one of the most anxiety-ridden people you will ever meet, which I have spoken about regularly on here. It does feel good to hear these nice things, but it also makes me feel a certain way, which is all on me. I have zero problem dishing out platitudes to all the wonder people on Substack, but God forbid I get any of that back.
Anyway, this is not a call for you guys to stop saying these things, if that is how you truly feel. The reason I started the Alter Ego section of my Stack was to talk about mental health and my own personal struggles, so I feel that this fits nicely into that realm. Thank you all for being so kind and supportive, and I am happy to have any fans, even though I shudder at the thought of the word.
As someone in the early stages still, this was good for me to read, John - especially where you speak on your anxiety, even after accomplishing as much you have as a writer.
the word word makes me word