Writing Life - The Joy Thief

There is an old saying out there that contends "Comparison is the Thief of Joy." It's a concept that I never really understood until I became a published author. Rather than reveling in the achievement and enjoying every sale and positive review, I spent too much time looking at the authors whose books were performing better than mine and wondering what I was doing wrong to not be at that level.

One thing I need to say here is that there was never any jealousy on my part, as I am always happy to see fellow authors succeed. Indie success means more readers finding out that there is more to literary life than those books put out by big name authors and publishing houses.

To get back to my original point, I quickly found that spending time worrying about something out of my control was not healthy. I learned to enjoy my little plot of land in the huge world of horror fiction, and to be happy with every success, no matter how trivial it might be in the grand scheme of things.

While I killed the comparison demon, there is still very little I can do about the other demons in my life, which are anxiety and depression. Those are much tougher to exorcise, and they will probably have a permanent residence inside my head. Let me give you a quick example of how they tie me down and make me feel less than.

For the past year or so, I've been toying with creating ambient music. I built up a big catalog of stuff, and with a little prodding from my wife, who also happened to nudge me into publishing, I started a YouTube channel, thinking no one would pay any attention. 8 months later, that channel is now monetized. Things have really taken off over the last few days since getting monetized, and just yesterday, I watched the views climb as positive messages came in and a livestream went off the rails with comments and great feedback. That was when anxiety decided to step in and slug me in the gut.

The more I watched the positivity of my channel increase, the more anxious I became about not just sustaining the channel, but also making it grow. It wasn't long before I found myself choking down a couple of CBD gummies while sitting outside with a coffee and trying to talk myself down. It passed, as it always does, and today, I am taking a more positive view on things.

The point I am trying to make in all this is that you should take some time to pat yourself on the back for everything you achieve, no matter how tiny the achievement. I'm lucky to have an incredibly supportive wife who is great at boosting my ego, but I also realize that I have to be my own cheering section, too. All I can say is that I am working on it.