My goal is not to make this section of my Substack about my mental health, as there are so many other things that I want to talk about. That said, something happened over the last few days that made it clear I am in a much better place that I was 7 or 8 months ago, so let me explain.
I spend a lot of time on another little part of the internet and love my time there. Over the last couple of days, though, a situation arose that I found myself dragged into. I voiced my opinion on the issue, said my part, and let the chips fall where they may. I am only one voice, and I understand that it is up to others to make the bigger decisions.
Yes, I am being vague, but the details don’t really matter. What does matter was that I began to feel bitterness seep into my anger and disappointment. I am a nice guy, but if you land on my bad side, all bets are off.
I found myself wanting to interject and say negative things, be sarcastic, and ultimately demeaning. In short, I would have taken my negativity into a positive place. 8 months ago, I would have gone off like a ticking time bomb and would likely have been escorted from that part of the internet with no means of return.
My negative feelings reached fever pitch today, but I recognized it and I stepped away. I am not taking a permanent trip away from that little oasis, but I am taking a break until I can get my emotions in check and behave like an adult.
This is a level of clarity that I have not seen for 2 or 3 years now, and while I am unhappy at the way things played out, I feel good that I am able to see when negativity is seeping into my headspace and making me feel and act in ways that are totally contrary to how I want to behave.
Today feels a little bad, but it is still a good day.
These small moments are some of the hugest wins, aren't they? Realizing how different things used to be, and now there's more peace. Enjoyed this!
Love to you, my friend 💜👾